“Let Them Make You the Villain”

“If someone wants to make you the problem in their story… let them.” Have you ever had that moment when you’re blindsided? You thought everything was fine, maybe even good. You showed up for someone, gave them your time, your effort, your heart… only to discover that somehow, in their version of events, you’re the villain. It’s confusing, isn’t it? You replay every conversation, every decision, questioning where you went wrong. “Did I say something offensive? Was I not thoughtful enough? Did I do too much or too little?” You try to fix it. You explain yourself, over and over, thinking if you just clarify the misunderstanding, it’ll all make sense. But it doesn’t. Instead, they double down. Now, not only are you the problem, but your attempts to make things better just confirm it in their eyes. I know how much this hurts. It’s isolating, frustrating, and exhausting. And if you’re someone who prides themselves on being kind and giving, it cuts even deeper. Here’s what I’ve learned: their version of the story isn’t yours to control. Some people need to cast you as the “bad guy” to avoid confronting their own feelings, their own insecurities, or their own choices. It’s easier for them to shift blame than to take accountability. Their story isn’t about you—it’s about them. And no matter how much you give, how much you love, how much you try to explain, you cannot rewrite the role they’ve assigned to you in their narrative. So what do you do? You let them. Let them believe what they need to. Let them twist the story however it suits them. Not because you don’t care, but because you finally realize that your energy is too precious to waste on people who refuse to see your heart for what it truly is. This isn’t about giving up—it’s about letting go. Letting go of the need to defend yourself to someone who’s already decided who you are in their story. Letting go of the need to be understood by everyone. Letting go of the weight of proving your worth to people who will never see it. And I know it’s hard. I know the urge to defend yourself feels almost unbearable. But peace doesn’t come from being right in someone else’s eyes—it comes from knowing you’re right in your own. So, instead of wasting your energy trying to change their story, focus on writing your own. A story where you show up for yourself. A story where you pour into relationships that lift you up, not tear you down. A story where you walk away with grace when someone can’t or won’t see your value. Because at the end of the day, their story is theirs, and your truth is yours. If you’ve felt this, you’re not alone. Let me know in the comments if you’ve experienced this and how you’ve found your peace.